Today, whilst unable to pry myself out of the 1012 armchair, I was introduced to the world of Cold Steel weaponry. Over the course of almost an hour, I bore witness to several middle aged men flaunting their knife-wielding prowess by hacking apart ship mooring cables, bamboo poles, watermelons, car doors, hunks of beef brisket, and - wait for it - whole pig carcasses. And they don't limit themselves to mere knives. No, they branch out into axes, blowguns, swords, and war clubs. You might ask, Where has this been all my life? Indeed, I asked myself the same thing while reading the copy from the company's catalog. Lovely phrases such as "emergency bludgeon," "pulverize your target," and "crush bones like dry twigs and pulp flesh into jelly" abound. These guys aren't fucking around! One brief excerpt: "Look smart and feel secure anywhere with our personal grooming aid, the Honey Comb. Precision manufactured at great expense, it has the innocuous appearance of a simple hairbrush, but the fully functional brush also acts as a sheath that conceals a highly effective stiletto dagger!" And for so long I'd been carrying around an unsheathed stiletto dagger. What was I
thinking?
But the videos really are the best part. Not only is the acting top-notch, but nothing beats a grown man chopping tirelessly at inanimate objects and hunks of bloody animal flesh. Seriously, guys - they cut that whole pig carcass into several cross-sectioned slices with a
sword. Then there was the skinned (yes,
skinned) horse head that was repeatedly stabbed with a dagger. And did I mention that most of this is set to the chugging rhythm of a manly metal guitar? Well... it is.
Today, whilst unable to pry myself out of the 1012 armchair, I was introduced to the world of Cold Steel weaponry. Over the course of almost an hour, I bore witness to several middle aged men flaunting their knife-wielding prowess by hacking apart ship mooring cables, bamboo poles, watermelons, car doors, hunks of beef brisket, and - wait for it - whole pig carcasses. And they don't limit themselves to mere knives. No, they branch out into axes, blowguns, swords, and war clubs. You might ask, Where has this been all my life? Indeed, I asked myself the same thing while reading the copy from the company's catalog. Lovely phrases such as "emergency bludgeon," "pulverize your target," and "crush bones like dry twigs and pulp flesh into jelly" abound. These guys aren't fucking around! One brief excerpt: "Look smart and feel secure anywhere with our personal grooming aid, the Honey Comb. Precision manufactured at great expense, it has the innocuous appearance of a simple hairbrush, but the fully functional brush also acts as a sheath that conceals a highly effective stiletto dagger!" And for so long I'd been carrying around an unsheathed stiletto dagger. What was I thinking?
But the videos really are the best part. Not only is the acting top-notch, but nothing beats a grown man chopping tirelessly at inanimate objects and hunks of bloody animal flesh. Seriously, guys - they cut that whole pig carcass into several cross-sectioned slices with a sword. Then there was the skinned (yes, skinned) horse head that was repeatedly stabbed with a dagger. And did I mention that most of this is set to the chugging rhythm of a manly metal guitar? Well... it is.
2 comments:
mmmm.... horse heads, swords, carnitas... sounds delicious. men and their cold steel sharply defined phallic signifiers and canabalism. Freud would have a field day with this blog.
Ha, this is awesome! This reminds me of my Dad back home with his 20 or so knives and assault rifles. I love America!
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