I love Christmas music

... and not just because it's trendy to like "uncool" things in an ironic fashion. No. I just really, really love Christmas music. In fact, the more traditional, the better. Give me Bing Crosby or Nat King Cole or even the Mormon Tabernacle Choir any day. Give me Adestes Fidelis in the original Latin and all the other Jesus-y ones about virgins and bright stars. (Let's temporarily ignore the fact that I am not even remotely Christian.) However, perhaps my very favorite song is a little ditty called "Christmastime is Here," as rendered by the ever-wonderful Vince Guaraldi and his dandy crew. Straight out of the Peanuts Christmas, with angelic singing children and everything, this one almost makes me weep. It almost makes you forget that Walmart employees are being trampled in the seasonal sale mayhem, and that men are shooting each other in the checkout lines at Toys R Us... almost. So listen to it. In the meantime, I'm off to karaoke to sing Feliz Navidad, much to the dismay of the other patrons. Tis the season.

COLD STEEL, BITCHES!

Today, whilst unable to pry myself out of the 1012 armchair, I was introduced to the world of Cold Steel weaponry. Over the course of almost an hour, I bore witness to several middle aged men flaunting their knife-wielding prowess by hacking apart ship mooring cables, bamboo poles, watermelons, car doors, hunks of beef brisket, and - wait for it - whole pig carcasses. And they don't limit themselves to mere knives. No, they branch out into axes, blowguns, swords, and war clubs. You might ask, Where has this been all my life? Indeed, I asked myself the same thing while reading the copy from the company's catalog. Lovely phrases such as "emergency bludgeon," "pulverize your target," and "crush bones like dry twigs and pulp flesh into jelly" abound. These guys aren't fucking around! One brief excerpt: "Look smart and feel secure anywhere with our personal grooming aid, the Honey Comb. Precision manufactured at great expense, it has the innocuous appearance of a simple hairbrush, but the fully functional brush also acts as a sheath that conceals a highly effective stiletto dagger!" And for so long I'd been carrying around an unsheathed stiletto dagger. What was I thinking?

But the videos really are the best part. Not only is the acting top-notch, but nothing beats a grown man chopping tirelessly at inanimate objects and hunks of bloody animal flesh. Seriously, guys - they cut that whole pig carcass into several cross-sectioned slices with a sword. Then there was the skinned (yes, skinned) horse head that was repeatedly stabbed with a dagger. And did I mention that most of this is set to the chugging rhythm of a manly metal guitar? Well... it is.

I still like house parties

So I got hired today...

Little did I know that Laser Eyes was in dire need of an official Laser Eyes girl. And here I've been wasting my time of Craigslist. What was I thinking?

Julia: I need a job.
Cole: Actually, Laser Eyes is going to need a Laser Eyes girl.
Julia: How much are you paying?
Cole: 45k a year.
Julia: I'll take it.
Cole: So... it's going to be about 2 nights a month... just have to look hot and come to our shows... and wear our t shirts.
Julia: When is your first show? You guys don't even have any songs.
Cole: We are going to make them all tonight.
Julia: From where are you generating my 45 k?
Cole: CD sales... and my design job... and Deli's art job.
Julia: I don't see you selling any CDs.
Cole: They will start selling... chill the fuck out or you are fired.
Julia: Lol!
Cole: Come to our shows... look like a babe... to get people to come... get babes hyped about us... so they want to do us... and wear our shirts. That's it. 45k. So when you start doing that stuff...we will give you your first pay check.
Julia: Do you have a Laser Eyes logo?
Cole: Nope. We will get one... prolly tonight. Tonight we are making everything. So you can take the night off.
Julia: Good, cause I'm going to see Vivian Girls play.
Cole: Pshh.. if we were playing you would have to skip that shit.

Looks like my new job will be demanding, yet lucrative. Wish me luck!

I can't believe I get paid for this:

Thanks, Gama Go!
All photos by Christina James

Dear Dolores Park,

I <3 you.

Sincerely,
Julia

Field trip to Barney's

Well. Today I made my first ever purchase from the SF outpost of Barney's NY. I have never before been surrounded by so many well-dressed gay men (sorry, Castro, not even you can compare). Nor have I ever been surrounded by so many fussy, confused Europeans. Seriously, just pick out a tie. Do you really need to sales associate to help determine your taste in neckwear? Actual quote: "We are looking for something fun... but not TOO fun." No. Just look at the ties until you see one you like and then pay the $250 on it and be on your way.

Needless to say, I was not purchasing ties. Just jeans and a dramatically marked-down t-shirt. The jeans had been budgeted for, but not the t-shirt, so this took some serious financial consideration on my part. I definitely don't fit into the typical demographic that frequents Barney's.

Sales associate: Would you like to take the t-shirt as well?
Me (fumbling with my phone, trying to connect to mobile banking): Um, lemme just check my bank account first...

Eventually I caved. It has feathers on it. C'mon. How could I pass? And as for the jeans, in my defense, I tried to get the old ones fixed, and was told that the four (not one, but FOUR) massive holes in the crotch were essentially irreparable. Sigh. And unfortunately, I'm a denim snob. J BRANDS 4 LYFE. If you see me out tonight, I will most likely be wearing my new things. Now that is an exciting prospect.

Preserve the Sanctity of San Francisco Bars

I know that Prop 8 has been the latest political buzz (short of the Presidential election, that is), and even after its passage (excuse me while I quietly vomit) there is still a lot of energy being funneled into the fight to have it repealed. Not to mention a lot of continued ranting from its supporters about the bible, and love between a man and a woman, and the sanctity of marriage. But I'm tired of this bullshit. Right now, as a young person trying to socialize in a big city, I am more deeply and immediately concerned with the sanctity of our bar scene. What is happening to our beloved bars? Why the overwhelming and seemingly unstoppable tide of douche bags? It's disgusting, it's unnatural, and it paves the way for the allowance of all sorts of unsavory entities in our bars. If we start with douche bags, what's next? Giraffes? Robots? People over 50? Please. We don't want these characters tainting our pure and beautiful bars. We can't have our children growing up thinking it's acceptable to enter any San Francisco bar wearing a pink striped shirt, baggy jeans, and dress shoes, with gel in their hair and five bros in their wake. Do you want YOUR children thinking it's okay to yell mindlessly every time a Journey song comes on the juke box? No. You don't. Which is why we need to get Prop D (D for douche bag, obviously) on the ballot. If you're interested in safeguarding San Francisco's sacred bar scene and protecting really cool hipsters from unnecessary disturbance in their natural habitat, sign up now to canvas and gather signatures for Prop D today. Your children with thank you.

Hurrah!

So, one of the most incredible life experiences I've had the courtesy of..... well, experiencing, has now come to a close, and I am thus left with an impossible amount of free time and the immediate need for increased income, a.k.a. a new job. Seeing as how Obama hasn't yet called me to be his Deputy White House Communications Director (and considering that, even if he had, I'd be fired for general rebellion so fast it would make your head spin), I am forced back to the drudgery of searching Craigslist for a day job that doesn't make me want to cut open a vein. Good luck with that, right?

In any case, while I take a few days to recover from the nearly nonstop work that was the last couple of months of my life, I also want to take a moment to appreciate what I was just involved in, and sort of wrap things up in the face of everyone's consolations regarding the fact that we "lost." So let me just dispute their use of the word "lost." Cindy Sheehan got more votes than any independent candidate ever has in San Francisco's Congressional race. And we decreased Pelosi's victory margin by a greater degree than any other candidate ever has since Pelosi first took office. If that's not an enormous step for independent (or even Third Party) candidates, then I don't know what is. And when the whole campaign, Cindy included, danced on the steps of City Hall at 8pm on November 4th, it felt like a win. So in my mind, even though Cindy is (sadly) not on her way to Washington (yet), it was a win. But thanks for the words of consolation, anyhow.

And suffice it to say, I'm still feeling pretty amped-up from the campaign, so if you have any direct actions coming up, any awesome political candidates starting their campaigns, any socially conscious organizations getting off the ground, or what have you... call me up.

Hate to say I told you so...

...but I told you so. Less than 24 hours after becoming the president-elect, Obama was already swinging to the right. His appointment of Rahm Emanuel as Chief of Staff should speak for itself, but since most people don't seem to know who he is, I guess I'll do a little speaking on the subject, myself. Perhaps this puts a damper on everyone's juvenile joy in their belief that Obama's election is suddenly going to bring peace to the world, but sorry. Emanuel, a rabidly pro-Israel, free-trade-happy, militaristic individual, will soon be filling what is arguably the most powerful position in the White House, aside from the President.

This is the man who wrote a letter to President Bush saying that Israel's policy of assassinating Palestinian political leaders "was clearly justified as an application of Israel's right to self-defense" ("Pelosi supports Israel's attacks on Hamas group," San Francisco Chronicle, 14 June 2003). The man who eagerly supports NAFTA, the World Bank, and increased corporate globalization. The man who, as Chairman of the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee, halted all funding for openly anti-war Democrats running for the House, and even supported more centrist candidates in the primaries, in an effort to defeat those anti-war candidates. The man who served on the board of the mortgage giant Freddie Mac, which had to be nationalized in the bailout this year, due to its utter financial failure.

This is the man who will have the ear of the President for the next four years. Hooray. So if you went into the November 4th election dreaming of change on the foreign policy front, the economic front, the "Party Politics" front, or really any front at all... I'm sorry, but I doubt you're going to get it. Change we can believe in, my ass.

And this, by the way, is why I voted for Cynthia McKinney. Just saying.